FACTS YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT PREMARITAL SEX – TRUE LOVE WAITS

1, Sex is a powerful force that can destroy if not used properly. Like atomic power, sex is the most powerful creative force given to man. When atomic power is used correctly it can create boundless energy; when it is used in the wrong way it destroys life. Sex is the same kind of powerful force. Sex is a gift from God to give us the greatest pleasure, to help in creating a deep companionship with one’s spouse and for procreation of the next generation. But if you play with this powerful force outside the bounds of marriage, it destroys you and those close to you.

2, intimate activity for young people arrests their psychological, social and academic development. Studies show that when young people engage in premarital sex, their academic performance declines and their social relationships with family and friends deteriorate. This is because adolescents are too immature to deal with the explosive sex drive and it tends to dominate their life.

3, The majority of women cannot enjoy sex outside of the bonds of marriage. The development of a fulfilling sex life needs the security and peace of the marriage bond. Premarital sex usually takes place sneaking around in hidden places dealing with the fear of being caught, the fear of pregnancy and feelings of guilt. All these (worrisome) factors undermine pleasure in premarital sex, most especially for women.

4, Virginity is to be given to the most important person in your life, the person you committed yourself to stay with forever in marriage. Your virginity is the most precious thing you have to give to your spouse. Once you lose it, nothing in the world can bring it back. Don’t lose something so precious in a thoughtless way.

5, Those who engage in premarital sex run a high risk of contracting one of the many venereal diseases rampant today, as well as losing their fertility. Not just AIDS, but other common disfiguring diseases like herpes have no cure.

6, Some venereal diseases have no symptoms and many couples discover many years later that they became infertile because of these diseases. Infertility experts estimate that 80% of today’s infertility is due to venereal diseases contracted before they married.

7, The best and only method that guarantees 100% against AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases is to wait for marriage to have sex and maintain fidelity in your marriage.

8, Premarital sex breaks the 10 Commandments given by God. The 10 Commandments are given to man by God to make man happy. They are not outdated and they are not restrictive. If we follow these laws, we can create happy and prosperous lives. If we don’t follow them, we will pay a heavy price in divorce, disease, abortions, illegitimate children and loneliness. Modern men make a big mistake when they think that they can break these eternal laws and not suffer consequences.

9, Premarital sex runs the risk of conceiving illegitimate children. Numerous scientific studies show that the children of single mothers suffer psychologically and are less successful socially and academically than children from intact families. Above all, children need both their father and their mother. It is wrong to risk having children who will never have their father’s love, protection and care.

10, If you date and you don’t have sex, you can forget about that relationship when you stop dating. But if you have sex with those you date and then break up, the nature of intimate involvement creates strong, often unpleasant memories for your whole life. Every relationship you break up where you had intimate relations is like a mini-divorce. The psychological difficulties of these mini-divorces does damage to your character. Later, when you are married and go to bed with your beloved spouse, these unpleasant memories will accompany you.

True love waits. If a boy or girl truly loves you, they will want the best for you. They will not want you to suffer fear of disease, unwanted pregnancy and the psychological difficulties of premarital sex. They will want to experience love with you only in the very best place of all – the love nest of marriage.

MATHIAS ROY CHUKWUDI VIA LOVE & INSPIRATION

 

 

I’m Ready To Fall In Love Again—Acid Victim, Naomi Oni

Acid victim, Naomi Oni, who was attacked in December 2012, by her friend, Mary Konye, has disclosed that she has gotten hope from her new found friend.

Oni, who was dumped by her boyfriend after the incident, explained that her new found close friend gave her more hope of realizing that she was well still that special lady.

She explained that though the guy approached her for a relationship which did not work, but was able to restore her self-esteem. 

“He approached me in the street and said he’d read about my story and thought I was so inspirational that he wanted to take me out, He said I was gorgeous and completely took me by surprise.

“Things didn’t work out with the guy I was seeing and we’re just friends, but it’s boosted my self-esteem. ‘I’m enjoying being single at the moment but I’m ready to fall in love again with the right person,” Naomi said.

 

6 Signs To Know You Are A Bad Spouse

You do not listen

Are you someone who likes to talk and talk all the time? If so then the chances are that you are a bad listener and your spouse is tired of having no one who’ll listen to them. Hearing and listening are very different things. If you are quietly hearing what your partner is saying without paying much attention to the subject matter then that’s not listening. Listening takes effort and concentration especially if your partner has communication problems. Honestly ask yourself if you really listen to your partner or just pretend to listen while dreaming silly day dreams in your head

You Don’t talk
As important listening is, talking is just as important if not more. The opposite extreme is of the partner who never talks. You might be a good listener but you also need to be able to express your own feelings well. If you can’t do that then your partner will never be able to know how you really feel. It is important to be able to talk and express your feelings and point of views, without which the relationship is bound to fail sooner or later. You can’t expect your partner to instinctively understand your every thought without you vocalizing it or communicating in any other way.

You work a lot
If you are a workaholic then chances are that your relationship isn’t going well. How can it when you spend most of your time at work. A lot of people just need to work a lot to stay happy. Such people try to justify their addiction to work by rationalizing that they are doing it for their family’s sake. But the best thing you can give your family is not money but time. If you are a workaholic and stay a workaholic even after finding an interesting partner then you are a bad spouse.

You are controlling
If you are the kind of person who likes to stay in charge then you could be a bad spouse. It all depends on how extreme this part of your nature is. If you want to control so much that you manipulate and bully and dominate the other person completely then you are definitely a bad spouse. You might think that you are doing it for their benefit but it’s just a rationalization. The best thing you can do for anyone is to help them be independent

You try to flatter
The opposite of the controlling manipulative type is the people pleaser. Some people are just submissive and try to please everyone they meet. They do this the most with their partner. So much that it becomes flattery. While this might help inflate the ego of your partner and might work for a while, it’s not a recipe for a successful marriage. Just as dominating isn’t right, submitting isn’t right either. Both partners need to be independent and co-dependent in a delicate balance.

You can not control your anger
If you are one of those people who get angry at small things all the time then you are going to make a bad spouse in spite of whatever good qualities you have. The truth is that there will be fights in a marriage and if you can’t control your anger it will be very hard for your partner to always love you. If you’ve ever hit your partner then you should just accept that you are the worst type of partner out there. If you just verbally abusive when you are angry, you don’t win any prizes either. The hallmark of a good spouse is to stay calm during arguments and always be civil and respect their partner.

Note: This post is to help you improve in your marriage, take the criticisms as gifts!

 

10 Marriage Truth Every WIFE Needs to Hear

1. Respect your husband.  – Notice how it doesn’t say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife.  The trap that we’ve all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.
2. Guard your heart.  – The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you’ve been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough.  There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.
3. God, husband, kids…in that order.  – I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first in my life no matter what. But regardless of your belief system, your husband should come before your kids. Now unless you’re married to someone who is abusive  (in which case, I urge you to seek help beyond what my blog can give you), no man in his right mind would ask you to put your kids aside to serve his every need while neglecting them. That’s not what this means. When you board an airplane, the flight attendants are required to go over emergency preparedness prior to takeoff. When explaining the part about how to operate the oxygen mask, passengers are instructed to first put the mask on themselves before putting it on their small child. Is that because they think you are more important than your kids? Absolutely not. But you cannot effectively help your child if you can’t breathe yourself. The same holds true with marriage and parenting. You cannot effectively parent your children if your marriage is falling apart. Take it from me – I tried. There will also come a time when your kids will leave the house to pursue their dreams as adults. If you have not cultivated a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will have both empty nests and empty hearts.
4. Forgive.  – No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit – for everything from major mistakes to little annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my husband for leaving the wet towel on the bathroom counter ;)) – you will keep resentment from growing.
5. Over-communicate.  – I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard “You should know why I’m mad” game, and that’s just downright unfair. Men are not wired like women, and they DON’T always know that they’ve been insensitive. I’m still growing in this area, and there are often times when my husband has to pry something out of me, but I’m trying to remember that I need to just communicate how I feel.
6. Schedule a regular date night.  – This one isn’t new, but it’s very important. Never stop dating your spouse.  Even if you can’t afford dinner and a movie (which we seldom can), spending some regular one-on-one time with your spouse is essential. Don’t talk about bills, or schedules, or the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect emotionally and often learn something new about each other – even after four years.
7. Never say the “D Word”.  – If you’re gonna say it, you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening divorce is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my previous marriages. I’m not proud of it, but I learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.
8. Learn his love language.  – Everyone has a love language. The way you perceive love is often different from the way your spouse perceives love. Does he like words of affirmation, or does he respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever his love language is – learn it and USE IT.  Edited to add: If you are unfamiliar with the principles behind love languages, you can learn more about it here.
9. Never talk negatively about him.  – I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn’t subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you’re close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective.  News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!
10. Choose to love.  – There are times in a marriage that you may wake up and not feel in love anymore. Choose to love anyway. There are times when you may not be attracted to your husband anymore. Choose to love anyway. Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are sacred. They don’t say “if you have bad times”. They say “in good times AND in bad”, implying that there WILL be bad times. It’s inevitable. So choose to love anyway. He’s worth it.

 

Dear sister, until you say yes, there is no relationship

by Demola Rewaju

Don’t give him the impression that you’re dating him when in actual fact you’re just using him to mark time while waiting for another brother to show up

I remember a ‘relationship’ I once engaged in where I was in pursuit of this lady for a while but we couldn’t get along because I refused to make some necessary changes in a habit that she didn’t like and I felt she was asking for too much without showing any sign of commitment to me – that’s when I wrote this article two years ago saying Don’t Use Your Mouth First. We seemed to hit it off some months after when she came back but there was never really any verbal consent to having a relationship with me but there were very obvious signs that we could be in a relationship. We did most things that lovers do but there was nothing physical (except one night spent in each other’s arms) but nothing more. Me being who I used to be, I was seeing someone else alongside but it wasn’t technically cheating. When I got caught and she got upset, my insistent line was that we weren’t dating because she hadn’t said ‘yes’ to me.

I may have been trying to be smarter by half but players usually do that – everything is either by the book or it doesn’t exist. We’re not in a love relationship until you as a lady say ‘yes’ and we’re therefore not exclusive to each other. We know ladies like to act coy sometimes and prolong giving assent to a love proposal; we also know you do that in the hope that someone better might just come along and then you’ll leave us without a backward glance because there was never really any commitment. It works for you sometimes but sometimes, it works against you.

Sex might be the ultimate physical communication of a love relationship but that doesn’t always take the place of a verbal commitment. In some parts of the western world battling rape issues, verbal assent for every step of the process leading to sex is required…funny as that would seem in the very act of it. From very early on before any commitment on your part, it is much better to clarify stuff in the most explicit terms. Is this guy asking you out because he wants to date you or just because he wants to sleep with you? It helps you to be clear about what you’re getting into and it also sets your expectations and limits your involvement if need be.

Sometimes it’s easier to just let things string along and play out the way they might without giving your consent to an actual relationship. We understand when you front even though we suspect you really want to be with us – I even wrote about it in this piece titled ‘Shakara’ – Playing Hard to Get (And Making It Work) so we understand when you front but when it’s so obvious you want to be with us yet you refrain from saying ‘yes’ to us, it ticks of something inside the ego of an alpha male. He sees you as being unnecessary difficult and since he is not committed to you because you did not commit to him, he’ll probably be seeing others on the side. That doesn’t excuse the truth of the situation though that the brother is only being smarter by half: he shouldn’t be seeing anyone else if he’s asking you out. It however helps to be very clear on what you both want and what you’re both doing together.

Don’t assume something is going on when it isn’t. Relatedly, don’t assume something is more than what it is – always be clear on where you stand and always let a brother know where he stands – don’t let him assume. Don’t give him the impression that you’re dating him when in actual fact you’re just using him to mark time while waiting for another brother to show up – sometimes it works for you, sometimes it works against you. When it works for you it makes you happy but when it works against you, it hurts. It really hurts.

—————————-

Demola Rewaju blogs at Demolarewajudaily.com

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Divorcé’s Guide to Marriage: Study Reveals Five Common Themes Underlie Most Divorces

 

People who lose the most important relationship of their life tend to spend some time thinking about what went wrong. If they are at all self-reflective, this means they will acknowledge their own mistakes, not just their ex’s blunders. And if they want to be lucky in love next time, they’ll try to learn from these mistakes.

Research shows that most divorced people identify the same top five regrets—behaviors they believe contributed to their marriage’s demise and that they resolve to change next time. “Divorced individuals who step back and say, ‘This is what I’ve done wrong and this is what I will change,’ have something powerful to teach others,” says Terri Orbuch, a psychologist, research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research and author of the new book “Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.” “This is marriage advice learned the hard way,” she says

Dr. Orbuch has been conducting a longitudinal study, funded by the National Institutes of Health, collecting data periodically from 373 same-race couples who were between the ages of 25 and 37 and in their first year of marriage in 1986, the year the study began. Over the continuing study’s 25 years so far, 46% of the couples divorced—a rate in line with the Census and other national data. Dr. Orbuch followed many of the divorced individuals into new relationships and asked 210 of them what they had learned from their mistakes. (Of these 210, 71% found new partners, including 44% who remarried.) This is their hard-earned advice.

Boost your spouse’s mood Of the divorced people, 15% said they would give their spouse more of what Dr. Orbuch calls “affective affirmation,” including compliments, cuddling and kissing, hand-holding, saying “I love you,” and emotional support. “By expressing love and caring you build trust,” Dr. Orbuch says.

She says there are four components of displays of affection that divorced people said were important: How often the spouse showed love; how often the spouse made them feel good about the kind of person they are; how often the spouse made them feel good about having their own ideas and ways of doing things; and how often the spouse made life interesting or exciting.

More Advice From Those Who Have Been There, Done That Happy Couples Kiss and Tell: How to Make a Marriage Last

The Child-Focused Divorce
The divorced individuals didn’t specifically identify sex as something they would have approached differently, although Dr. Orbuch says it is certainly one aspect of demonstrating love and affection.

Men seem to need nonsexual affirmation even more than women do, Dr. Orbuch says. In her study, when the husband reported that his wife didn’t show love and affection, the couple was almost twice as likely to divorce as when the man said he felt cared for and appreciated. The reverse didn’t hold true, though. Couples where women felt a lack of affection weren’t more likely to divorce.

Do something to demonstrate that your partner is noticed and appreciated every single day, Dr. Orbuch says. It can be as small as saying, “I love you,” or “You’re a great parent.” It can be an action rather than words: Turn on the coffee pot in the morning. Bring in the paper. Warm up the car. Make a favorite dessert. Give a hug.

Talk more about mon
Money was the No. 1 point of conflict in the majority of marriages, good or bad, that Dr. Orbuch studied. And 49% of divorced people from her study said they fought so much over money with their spouse—whether it was different spending styles, lies about spending, one person making more money and trying to control the other—that they anticipate money will be a problem in their next relationship, too.

There isn’t a single financial fix for all couples. Dr. Orbuch says each person needs to examine his or her own approach to money. What did money mean when you were growing up? How do you approach spending and saving now? What are your financial goals?

Partners need to discuss their individual money styles and devise a plan they both can live with. They might decide to pool their money, or keep separate accounts. They might want a joint account for family expenses. In the study, six out of 10 divorced individuals who began a new relationship chose not to combine finances.

“Talk money more often—not just when it’s tax time, when you have high debt, when bills come along,” Dr. Orbuch says. Set ground rules and expectations and stick to them.

Get over the past

To engage in a healthy way with your partner, you need to let go of the past, Dr. Orbuch says.

This includes getting over jealousy of your partner’s past relationships, irritation at how your mother-in-law treats you, something from your own childhood that makes it hard for you to trust, a spat you had with your spouse six months ago.

It isn’t good advice just for those with broken hearts, she adds.

In Dr. Orbuch’s study, divorced individuals who held on to strong emotions for their ex-spouse—whether love or hate—were less healthy than those people who had moved on emotionally.

Having trouble letting go of anger, longing, sadness or grief about the past? Keep a journal. Exercise. Talk to a friend (but not endlessly) about it.

Or try writing to the person who has upset you to explain your feelings: “Dear Mother-in-Law. It’s about time you treated me like a full-fledged member of this family and stopped second-guessing my parenting decisions.”

Then take the excellent advice Abraham Lincoln is said to have given his secretary of war, who had written an emotional missive to one of his generals.

“Put it in the stove,” Lincoln said. “That’s what I do when I’ve written a letter when I am angry.”

“This is an exercise for you, to get all the emotions out on paper so you can release them,” Dr. Orbuch says.

 

Blame the relationship

The divorced individuals in the study who blamed ex-spouses, or even themselves, had more anxiety, depression and sleep disorders than individuals who blamed the way that they and their partners interacted. Those who held on to anger were less likely to move on, build a strong new relationship and address future problems in a positive, proactive manner.

It’s hard not to blame. In the study, 65% of divorced individuals blamed their ex-spouses, with more women blaming an ex-husband (80%) than men blaming an ex-wife (47%). And 16% of men blamed themselves, compared with only 4% of women. Dr. Orbuch says the men may simply accept their ex’s view of the breakup. More men than women admitted to an extramarital affair.

How do you blame in a healthy way? Say “we,” not “you” or “I.” Say, “We are both so tired lately,” not “You are so crabby.” When you remove blame, it’s easier to come up with a solution.

Ask your partner for his or her view of a problem. Say, “Why do you think we aren’t getting along?”

“There are multiple ways of seeing a problem,” Dr. Orbuch says. “By getting your partner’s perspective, and marrying it with your perspective, you get the relationship perspective.”

Reveal more about yourself

Communication style is the No. 1 thing the study’s divorced individuals said they would change in the next relationship (41% said they would communicate differently).

Spouses need to speak in a calm and caring voice. They should learn to argue in a way that produces a solution, not just more anger.

They have to practice “active listening,” where they try to hear what the other person is saying, repeating back what they just heard and asking if they understood correctly.

To communicate well, partners need to reveal more about themselves, not just do “maintenance communication.”

“It doesn’t have to be emotional,” Dr. Orbuch says. “But it should be about issues where you learn about what makes each other tick.” Such topics help your partner understand you better.

Dr. Orbuch suggests a 10-minute rule: Every day, for 10 minutes, the couple should talk alone about something other than work, the family and children, the household, the relationship. No problems. No scheduling. No logistics.

“You need to tell each other about your lives and see what makes you each tick,” Dr. Orbuch says.

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24 Elder’s Words Of Wisdom For MEN In Relationship

* My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her.

* My son, a woman could be a good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her go.

* My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . . . that was our office.

* My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.

* My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in-charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.

* My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a wounded woman.

* My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.

* My son, in our days, we had many wives and many children because of our large farm-lands and many harvests, there are hardly any land for farming anymore, so embrace your woman closely.

* My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.

* My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.

* My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.

* My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.

* My son, your mother, Asake rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.

* My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?

* My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house, divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.

* My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.

* My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.

* My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.

* My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.

* My son, your mother and I is not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.

* My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.

* My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, it’s a secret of growing old and having children to take care of you too.

* My son, pray with your family, there is a tomorrow you don’t know, talk to God that knows everything, everyday.

* My son, if I had taken my time to tell you all these and your marriage did not last like that of your mother and I, then you are a bastard.

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Top 10 Wrong Reasons to Get Married

People who want to get married must have genuine reasons. Many marriages and relationships end up in divorce and broken relationships. This is because the couples involved got married for the wrong reasons. Some who were able to fix their marriage went to marriage experts and relationship counselors for help. They did not go for break up advice because they want to keep their marriage. There are so many wrong reasons to get married.You see married and flirting couples all because they had no good reason to marry someone. If you want to get married and have said to yourself ‘when i get married divorce is not an option’ then consider the wrong reasons to get married discussed below. These wrong reasons to get married about to be discussed will help you determine whether you are getting married for the wrong reasons or not.

Wrong Reasons to Get Married

1. Sexual Satisfaction

Sexual satisfaction is one of the important factors that keep people happy in marriage and relationships. Sex also help keep relationships problems out of a relationship and marriage. However it should not be the only reason to marry someone. Once you no longer get that sexual satisfaction you become sex starved. You most likely will start looking else where to get sexually satisfied. This definitely will lead to relationship problems. This is one of the reasons we have many flirting married people. Some see lack of sexual satisfaction as a reason to get divorce. This is one of the wrong reasons to get married young people fall for in most cases.

2. You Have Been Dating For A Long Time

Should you marry someone because you have been dating for a long time then you married for wrong reason. This is one of the wrong reasons to get married many people fall for. If you know there are issues within you that has been keeping you from talking about the future with your partner why not get it clarified before getting married. Stop worrying about the years you have spent in courtship. Your focus should be on how you will spend the rest of your life with the person. Will your marriage be a paradise or hell? The answer to this question will be determined by the reasons you got married.

3. She is Having my Baby/He is The Father of my Baby

This is one of the wrong reasons to get married that is very common among youths. It is okay to make mistakes. However, it is worse to live continually in that mistake. The truth is that having children is not a criterion for a marriage to work. The fact that a baby is coming or is here does not mean a great marriage ahead. It is not to the best interest of the children if their parents subject themselves to all forms of abuse and convenience for their sake. The children are the ones to suffer most from an abusive relationship and divorce. It is better if both of you should come together and work out a better solution. The children are not the cause of the problem. Rather the problem came up because you married for one of the wrong reasons to get married.

4. Your Parents Like Her/Him 

If this is your reason to marry someone then you are getting married for the wrong reasons. Bearing in mind that marriage is between two people, this should not be the motivation behind your marriage or relationship. Your parents view of her/him may likely be different from your own view of the person. Their view has little to contribute when it comes to making the marriage or relationship work. You just have to put your feelings and happiness first. Then hope your parents approve of your union. If you go ahead with the marriage you most likely will be unhappily married. This is because your marriage is based on one of the wrong reasons to get married. It is based on a faulty foundation.

5. He/She Has Endured a Lot For Your Sake

He/she has endured so much for your sake. Probably has contributed a lot in making you a better person. The sooner you realize that you can never pay off that debt the better for you. This will be one of your very bad reasons to get married to that person. Especially if you don’t see your needs in marriage being met by that person. You should not pay her with marriage if your heart is far from it. Look for other ways of compensation other than marriage.

6. You Are Ripe For Marriage

It is good you you recognized that you are ripe for marriage. However it is not the only good reason to marry. The fact that you are ripe for marriage does not bring along the right person to marry you. Having all the good things one can think of, good job, cars and other valuable investments are not the best reasons to get married. If you are not marrying for love then you are getting married for the wrong reasons. It is a fact that when it comes to getting married there are no path put down for everyone to follow. We desire different things in life. Your desire and feelings should be your guide and not logic when it comes to marriage and relationship.

7. Your Peers Are All Married

This is one of the wrong reasons to get married most young people get trapped in. If you realize the agony you will face all your life for marrying the wrong person, you will understand that being the only unmarried person among your peers is no big deal. The follow the bandwagon approach should not apply when it comes to marriage if your happiness means anything to you.

8. You Are Having The Same Birthday Anniversary

It is okay to become friends with someone who shares the same birthday anniversary with you. You should not fall for this temptation when it comes to marriage and relationship. Marriage goes beyond birthday anniversary. Your future and happiness is at stake here. What is the usefulness of having the same birthday anniversary when happiness and comfort is far from your marriage relationship. You definitely are in marriage for the wrong reasons if this is your motivation.

9. To Maintain Family Ties

This is one of the wrong reasons to get married brought about by close families. Parents who want to maintain their closeness with another family arrange marriage for their children. Some with business empires do it to protect their wealth. They do this without putting into consideration the feelings of the people getting married. People who marry people based on family ties in most cases end up becoming unhappily married. Women who get married and men who get married must have a good reason to get married. They may end up becoming married and bored if their relationship is not based on love. It is certain that you are not living the rest of your life with your parents. Rather you will be sharing your bed with the person you married for the rest of your life. Having this in mind, your focus should be on finding the right person to marry you and not the right family or group.

10. To Get at Your Parents

Are your parents frustrating you at home? Putting pressure on you to get married. Or have they gone ahead to arrange marriage for you without your consent? In an attempt to counter the marriage arrangement you got married to or got pregnant for someone you have no real love feelings for. Then you are in marriage for one of the wrong reasons to get married. Your parents may feel bad and disappointed. However you will realize that you took a wrong decision when you discover that the person you got married to does not posses the qualities you desire in a partner.

There are many other wrong reasons to get married apart from the ones discussed in this article. Marrying for love is the best reason to marry someone. Some people who are in marriage for wrong reasons end up becoming flirting married couples or married seeking comfort and happiness.  Most married men who cheat and married women who cheat may have married for some of the wrong reasons discussed in this article. You should have a clear vision of what you want in marriage to avoid being unhappily married.

Now that you have known some of the wrong reasons to get married go ahead and make a clear decision of what you want in marriage. This will also help you avoid being married and bored. You will not see reason to get divorce after marriage. Use the comment box to add other wrong reasons to get married you know that are not included in this article.

 

 

20 Important Relationship Rules That Are Often Ignored

By RACHEL HARRISON

1. Be Honest.

Be nice, but be honest. Trust is vital. Trust is gained through honesty.

2. Compromise.

There’s a complexity to compromising.  With gender roles ever evolving it’s important to recognize it’s not about who wears the pants.  It’s about balance.  Compromise is an inherent part of a relationship.  You will have to sacrifice in a relationship.  That’s the nature of relationships.  If you want your way all of the time, stay solo.  It’s about finding a healthy balance in compromise.  Both people in a relationship must understand that necessity of compromise and sacrifice in a relationship to make it work.

3. It’s healthy to argue.

It’s healthy to bicker.  It’s not healthy to have screaming matches.  Some couples brag about “never fighting.” That’s nothing to brag about.  It probably means that one of you is holding something in.

4. It’s not your job to fix the person you love.

You can’t fix them.  You can only help them fix themselves.  You can’t resolve their work issues or wipe away all of their insecurities or get their parents back together.  All you can do is be there for them and help them through it.  Getting frustrated about your inability to fix your partner will agitate their struggles and strain your relationship.

5. Understand your significant other’s background.

It is important to recognize the person you’re with has not always been that person.  They’ve gone through things to make them that person.  Appreciate and understand their past.  Put them in context.  Maybe he doesn’t express his feelings because his family is not particularly expressive, or maybe she is so insecure because her ex was very critical.  Be conscious of this.

6. Do not underestimate the power of thoughtfulness.

Listen.  Pay attention.  There is nothing more meaningful or memorable than mentioning something in passing and then having your partner bring it back up later.

7. Do not limit expressions of love to grand gestures.

It’s impossible to keep up.  Fancy dinners or luxury vacations are wonderful, but love does not have a dollar value.  If given the option between a weekly sunset walk or an annual vacation, the majority would pick the weekly walk.  Money does not show love.  Gestures show love.  A free gesture also holds value.

8. Take all advice with a grain of salt.

Rule #13 stands, nobody knows your relationship.  Advice/tips can help, but only you and your partner know what’s right for you and your partner.  Don’t take any outside material as an absolute truth.

9. Research.

If you have a relationship question or need advice, the internet/books can be helpful tools.  There is nothing wrong with getting some perspective and advice from outside sources.

10. Value each other’s interests.

If you have different interests, which is perfectly fine, make sure you value what their interests are.  Even if vintage airplanes or nail art don’t interest you, do your best to pay attention and have respect for what your partner likes.

11. If you are not getting something you need, ask for it.

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.  Your partner is not a mind reader.

12. Do NOT get your sex tips from Cosmo.

13. Nobody understands your relationship.

And you don’t understand anyone else’s.  There are no exceptions to this rule.

14. Follow the Harry Burns Airport Rule.

Do not stop doing things you used to do in the beginning of the relationship.  If you used to take your guy/girl to the airport, still take them.  You should never stop trying to show your significant other that you care.  Nothing is worse than hearing “How come you never ____________ anymore?”

15. Spite will get you nowhere.

If the other person hurts you in a relationship, hurting them back on purpose will likely destroy your relationship.  If you feel the need to “get back at” the person you’re with, you shouldn’t be with them.

16. Split the bills.

Relationships should be even or close to even.  It is not a romantic idea, but it is fair.  Communicate about what you each feel comfortable with.  No one person should put more effort into a relationship than the other, so no one person should put more money into a relationship.  It will allow resentment and discomfort to build.

17. Accept that no one is perfect.

It’s about finding the right person, not the perfect person.  The perfect person doesn’t exist.  Everyone has flaws.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Prince Charming probably had one beer too many on occasion.  Cinderella probably spent too much on shoes.

18. Don’t be afraid to have the tough conversations.

If the relationship is strong and going somewhere, you should bring up the tough stuff.  If you’re falling in love but have some concerns, bring them up sooner rather than later.  It’s difficult to have serious conversations but it’s better to discover deal breakers earlier on.

19. Trust your instincts.

If you feel in your gut something is wrong, bring it up.  9 times out of 10 your instincts are correct and ignoring them will get you nowhere.

20. Be wary when discussing relationship troubles with your friends.

To a certain extent, it is healthy to discuss your relationship with your friends, but be cautious.  If you discuss every little worry, every argument, if you air every grievance, you will poison your friends against your significant other.  Find a healthy way/source to vent to that won’t backfire.

 

6 Deadly Dating Mistakes You Must Avoid

by Dan Bacon

 

Mistake #1 – Being Too Nice

You’ll often hear women talking about how their looking for a “nice” guy to date and build a relationship with. Yet, most guys completely misunderstand what a woman is saying when she says “nice guy.” They mistakenly assume that if a woman is looking for a nice guy, then all they need to do to be successful is be REALLY, REALLY nice to her and that will make her like him a whole lot more than other guys. However, that isn’t what women are looking for and that isn’t what women mean by “nice.” After a couple of experiences being REALLY, REALLY nice to women and getting rejected each time, some guys start to think that women must want bad boys or jerks and that the whole “nice guy” thing is a huge, fat lie!

Here’s the thing…

It’s not a lie. Women’s desire for a nice guy is TRUE, but there is a huge difference between a manly, nice guy who guides a woman through a natural, sexual courtship (of which I call The Flow) and a nice guy who is a complete pushover, pretends as though he’s not even interested in sex (and just wants to be friends) and waits for the woman to make it really obvious that she wants something “more than friends” before he makes a move.

Sure, initially some women can enjoy having a pushover nice guy that she can lead around by his nose (or other parts of his body further to the south) and get him to do whatever she wants. Yet, in reality, a woman wants a man who will treat her well and with respect and most importantly, respect himself enough to not allow her to behave in a disrespectful manner towards him. She wants that guy who truly is a powerful man that she can lean on, trust, respect and lust after. She wants to be the one who is always on her toes trying to make sure that she doesn’t lose him. It’s not supposed to be the other way around. It is the you (the man) who is supposed to be “in charge” of a male/female relationship. You are a good guy, but you are ALSO a confident, masculine man…and that is exactly what she’s talking about when she says she wants a “nice guy.”

If you don’t understand that, then you are simply reading into the word “nice” too literally. Being a “nice guy” is not about being a super nice guy; it’s about being the complete package (you’ll learn how to be the “complete package” when you invest in our programs and get the education you need about women, dating, relationships, attraction and being a real man), while ALSO being a good guy.

Mistake #2 – Constantly Seeking Her Approval

Of course when you’re dating a woman, you will occasionally want to get her input on things you do as a couple but, in general, it’s up to the man to steer the dates and the relationship – not the woman. However, too many insecure guys will ask their lady’s “permission” on virtually everything. He’ll ask her where they should go out to dinner, what movie they should see, whether or not she likes what he’s wearing, how his apartment looks, how often they should see each other and so on.

In short, he acts as if she’s his mother and he is constantly seeking her approval. She wants a guy that she can look up to and respect, not look down upon as her little boy child.

Mistake #3 – Trying to Buy Her Affection

Sure, occasionally during your long-term relationship you might want to give your woman a gift on special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and so forth. However, if you’re always buying her lavish gifts, taking her away on expensive vacations, going out to only the most exclusive clubs or restaurants or otherwise trying to “buy” her affection, then you are showing how insecure you are. She will pick up on it, wonder why you feel as though all of that is necessary to keep her attracted and interested. Although she might not tell you (because she’s enjoying the “red carpet treatment” so much), she will be turned off at a deep level.

Money shouldn’t play a major part in your dating life. It doesn’t matter if you have the money and can afford to spend it on her or not. The best “gift” you can give her is being yourself and spending time with her. You should be able to “entertain” her and keep her happy as much with a fun afternoon in the park or beach, watching TV or “fooling around” in the bedroom, as she would have getting all dolled up for an expensive night on the town. Heck, my girlfriends are so delighted to be spending time with me that many of them are happy to sit there and watch me play Xbox for hours. Most women HATE when a guy plays computer games in their presence because they feel like the guy is wasting time and not getting out there in the real world to become the best man he can be, but my girls put up with it because they know I work very hard. They also know that if they whinge and complain, I can replace them with another girl in a minute, so they are on their best behavior at all times. Additionally, while playing Xbox, all I have to say is, “Coffee” or smile and say, “Where’s my coffee, baby?” and it will be made for me with a big smile and a kiss.

Remember, YOU are her greatest gift! However, if you show her that you feel as if you need to constantly “buy her affection,” she’s eventually going to realize that she needs a man, not gifts, to make her truly happy. If you don’t value who you are, she won’t either. You are valuable to her whether you spend money on her or not. Don’t waste money and turn women off by making the mistake of trying to buy a woman’s affection. You are her greatest gift.

Mistake #4 – Constant Compliments

Of course when you pick a woman up for a date or watch her walk towards you at the designated meeting place, you’ll likely see how much effort she put into getting ready to be with you. You should tell her how hot she looks and, NO, that doesn’t give her any power over you. However, if you spend the rest of the date constantly complimenting her on her looks, her intelligence, her wit or any other attribute she has exhibited, you’re only showing how inexperienced you are by giving her all the power. When a woman sees this type of behavior from a man, she usually assumes that he’s giving her so many compliments and is so amazed because she is the first exceptional woman he’s had a chance with.

Sure, everyone likes the occasional, sincere compliment, but if you start spewing them constantly throughout your date, she’s going to feel like there is a huge value discrepancy between you and her and she’s basically doing you a favor by going out with you. When a guy notices that a woman has picked up on this, he then starts to act nervous and feels like he is losing her. The woman then notices that he is behaving nervously and she loses further interest. It’s a vicious cycle of insecurity and desperation that almost always lead to failure when dating women.

Mistake #5 – Asking Permission to Kiss Her

Imagine this…

You’ve been out on a great date with a beautiful woman. You’ve laughed together, enjoyed each other’s company and had wonderful conversations. Everything is going so well. She may have even leaned against you for a lingering moment or “accidentally” stroked you softly with her hand sometime during your date. Now that the evening is ending, you’re both moving in closer and speaking more quietly and intimately. Yet, instead of taking her into your arms and kissing her, you stop and ask for permission to kiss her! What?!

Not only have you KILLED the mood, but chances are she’s going to see that your reason for asking for a kiss is not so much about you being a “gentleman,” but more about the fact that you are a wuss when it comes to women. A woman expects you to be able to read her body language to see if she is ready to be kissed or not. If she is, she expects you to have the confidence to do it and if you don’t, she loses attraction, respect and interest for you on a deep level. As a man, you are expected to know when you should take her hand as you walk, stroke her back when you’re talking, rub your body against hers when dancing or any one of a dozen other ways of showing what a sexual being you are.

This isn’t the 1950s where boys asked girls for permission to give them a goodnight kiss at the doorstep. We’re in the 21st century and women are much more sexual and actually EXPECT that the man they’re dating is going go in for a first kiss and possibly even lead her to the bedroom without first asking her permission. If you don’t know how to escalate to kissing and sex, I recommend you watch Dating Power to see the demonstrations of our rejection-proof first kiss techniques.

Mistake #6 – Getting Too Serious Before She’s Earned it

You’ve been on a date or two and had a great time. You think about her all the time when you’re apart and you are already completely sure that you want her as your girlfriend, possibly even as your wife. However, if you’ve only been dating a short time and you blurt out how you’ve already decided that you want to “spend the rest of your life with her,” after only a couple of dates, one of several things is likely to happen. You’re going to scare her off, make a fool of yourself or give her the knowledge that she has you wrapped around her little finger and, again, you’ll show her how insecure you are and that SHE is the one who has the relationship power.